Monday, January 12, 2009

Non- Nom: The Problem with the Westside:

Some of my co-workers are from the West Side. They love it. They tell me it's super-awesome. My feeling about the West Side is that I'd be more up for going there if I could actually get to my destination without getting lost. David and I have been to the West Side a few times and we have only not gotten lost once. We're pretty good with directions and we both have iPhones with google maps, so what gives, West Side?
I believe that the West Side city planners are mean-spirited and enjoy kicking puppies in their free time. None of the streets are in a grid—they are all squiggly like someone handed an orangutan a crayon and told them to have at it. The street signs are at odd angles so that you see the street you were supposed to turn on riiiight as you pass the street, when it's too late. If you go the wrong way and turn around, you will most likely be not allowed to make the desired left or right turn for no discernible reason except to thwart you as you mutter profanities under your breath.

The only way that David and I have determined to navigate the West Side is to designate some streets as "safe" meaning that if you get on the road, with very little funny business it can, guaranteed, take you in one general direction without too much meandering.

Other than getting lost, the West Side can be incredibly surreal:
Our last trip to the West Side, we passed a UDF as we were attempting to find our way. We pondered stopping there for a minute while we figured it out. We saw a figure walking towards the UDF with a backpack and what looked like a walking stick. Only it wasn't a walking stick. It was a gigantic Musket. A blunderbuss. An elephant gun. It was a WTF moment for sure. We decided not to stop at the UDF. 

So I ask you again West Siders…what's the secret to navigating your strange land? And what's up with the musket?

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I try to be honest, fair and keep a good sense of humor in my posts--I would appreciate if you follow the same policy with your comments.