Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A non-edible, but still important PSA:

David and I were at the Hyde Park Biggs yesterday when we saw something that we knew people did, but never had the dismay of witnessing.

We had put our own groceries in the car and were backing out of our parking space when we saw a middle aged man—let’s call him Mr. Lazypants— place his groceries in his Z 4 convertible, and then carefully maneuver his cart into the cross section between spaces in front of his car and casually turn to walk away.

I admit, I was pretty cranky. I had endured a long morning of Defendants yelling at me and a very busy afternoon. But Mr. Lazypants sent me over the edge. Here is picture I made to help illustrate.

To understand why the rage, I’ll have to tell you a little story…

It was a dark and stormy night in 2005 in the Mitchell Avenue Kroger parking lot. We had picked up our groceries and were heading back to our Clifton apartment. All the sudden, there’s a strong gust of wind and we heard a large “BANG!” on the rear passenger side of the car.

Upon investigation, a shopping cart, left carelessly in the parking lot had been pushed by the wind and rolled into the back of the car as David was backing up. The resulting impact left a large dent and scratch in the rear panel of the car. It was David’s first dent.

David was mad, I was mad, but what could we really do? We didn’t know who had left the cart in the lot. It certainly was not us. We have always returned our cart to the corral, even if it is raining or snowing or far away. Because we are considerate of other people’s vehicles.

Unlike the person upon that fateful night in 2005, and Mr. Lazypants yesterday.

A few different options rolled through my head at that time. Should I keep it real? Say nothing? I was not sure. I quickly decided that I was not going to let some jerk damage someone's car. Also, anyone who reads the signs understands that not being lazy keeps grocery costs low, because the stores don’t have to pay employees to waste their time running around the parking lot wrangling carts.

I rolled down the window and shouted.

“HEY! That’s not where you put your cart!”

I received a knowing smile, a “HUH?!” and his hand cupped behind his ear as a response.

Nice try, Mr. Lazypants.

“That’s not where you put your cart!”



“Oh, well where do I put it then?”

Since pretending to be deaf didn’t work, Lazypants obviously had opted for playing dumb at this point. David and I looked at each other incredulously. Had he never shopped at a grocery store before? Did he not see the cart corrals 20 feet away he had walked by on his way in and out of the store? Unlikely. He was just playing stupid because he got caught being an inconsiderate jerk.

A few scenes danced through my head at that point. I have provided some more high quality artwork to help illustrate.

One was looking at David and proclaiming “avast, turn to the starboard side, ramming speed!” and hitting Lazypants, sending him spinning over the top of our car and sending his cart flying into his little convertible. Really, what’s another dent?

Option 1

The second option involved me getting out of the car, walking over, and explaining very clearly what I was trying to communicate while taking his cart and ramming it repeatedly into his Z4 for punctuation. “You should” *bang!* “really” *bang!* “put your cart”*bang!* “in the corral”*bang!* “you never know what kind of” *bang!* “damage it could cause to someone’s car.”

Option 2

The third option involved getting out of the car, punching him in the face, shoving him in the shopping cart and taking both the cart and Lazypants to the cart corral.

Option 3

The fourth option involved pointing to the cart corral.

I chose number four because I would prefer not to be arrested for vehicular assault and especially didn't want to have our car insurance go up.

So we pointed. At both cart corrals. At that point in time, people were starting to take notice of why someone was yelling at someone else in the parking lot. This seemed to embarrass Lazypants enough that his face was turning red and he somewhat sarcastically said “Thanks for reminding me!” and began pushing his cart to the corral.

We waved and drove off. Hopefully, we embarrassed him enough that he will return his cart to the proper place from now on. We'll be watching.


  1. This is an infuriating situation and I totally share your rage. Also, your re-telling was hilarious. Big fan of the artwork. I so needed a good laugh before starting work today!

  2. The art work was fantastic! Love it!

  3. hahahaha, this is hilarious and totally made my morning! i love the art too!

  4. One morning at the Party Source this guy unloads a cart into the back of his truck and leaves it there.
    Casually gets in his truck and backs out of the space sending his cart crashing into other cars, he never even flinches, just drives away.
    HOW THE F#@K can you not know the cart is behind your truck when you just unloaded it?
    Peoples ignorance will never cease to amaze me.

    I bet the BMW guy couldn't believe you didn't realize since he was driving a BMW you didn't realize he was too important to put his cart back. Time is money.

  5. As I was leaving the gym one day (obviously this was years ago) I saw a woman pull her SUV into a handicapped spot right in front of the door. She didn't have a handicapped plate or hanger. She got out and walked inside without any indication of handicappedness.

    I stopped, went inside and asked her (politely) why she parked in the handicapped spot since she didn't appear to have a physical handicap.

    She was flustered but gave me a not very credible story about how her doctor recommended that she not walk too much or limit her exertion or something. I don't remember exactly. In any case, let me emphasize that she was telling me this at a gym.

    I said thank you and left. My goal was the same as with your Mr. Lazypants: I just wanted her to know that there are people out there who notice crap like that and will embarrass you for it so maybe they will think twice next time. I hope it worked.

    Oh, I forgot to mention that I was recovering from knee surgery and was on crutches when this happened. If that didn't make an impression I don't know what could.

    Awesome post!

  6. thanks for your support! I was feeling pretty feisty.

    I felt pretty weird about yelling at someone, but he really deserved it.

    Although I'm still a big fan of option 2.


I try to be honest, fair and keep a good sense of humor in my posts--I would appreciate if you follow the same policy with your comments.