Foot long Coney dogs:

Grocery shopping can be perilous for those susceptible to impulse buys. Yes, those interesting and unplanned purchases that are never on the grocery list but somehow make it into the cart. There you are, trying to keep it on the straight and narrow, checking off staples on your list, and then you see it. You may wander over to the strategically situated display or aisle end cap and pick up the item. Usually by that time, it's too late.

It is an impulse buy. Resistance is futile. You will make your purchase.

David's somewhat immune to impulse purchases, but I am woefully liable to them. He's tried to curb my impulses various ways. For a while he insisted that we only purchase items on our list, which I solved by sneaking "miscellaneous" on every grocery list. He’s also tried beguiling me with sophisms or even making me carry the item around the store for 15 minutes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Which is why he was keeping a close eye on me as we were in the process of selecting hot dogs for our cheese coney dinner that night. But not close enough. I'd spotted the foot long hot dog buns and that was that. I could not be dissuaded, and David could tell it was a losing battle. Exchanging the hot dogs we selected for foot long hot dogs to go with the buns, we continued shopping.

Giant coney, to scale

size matters, you know

We picked up some tater tots to make tater tachos (like nachos but with tater tots), and the dinner plan was complete.

I can haz coney?



Haha, no, kitty.

Insert Wok Pun Here:

I don't think the woman in front of me realized how close she was to bodily harm. She was tying up both registers, whining at all the Sur Le Table employees in earshot about how they had charged her for the free knife sharpening service (apparently it's only two per household, FYI). My frustration steadily built up toward a violent eruption and potential disaster. David and I had been in line for 15 minutes. We just wanted to buy our wok and get out. At that moment, I was contemplating bashing the bleating, obnoxious woman over the head with the wok and telling her to put on her big girl pants and sharpen her own damn knives.

Sharpening knives is not hard. Exhibit "A", David sharpening the Global.
[Note for commenters below: that is a ceramic sharpening stick for a Japanese Global, not honing steel for a German knife. We know the difference. Look closely.]

Rewind a bit to earlier in the day. David and I were searching for dinner recipes. We'd been gifted with some very pretty bok choy, and were trying to find a nice recipe to use it in. We were already thinking Chinese because of the bok choy, but I will take any excuse to make a dish using crunchy water chestnuts. David decided he wanted to try moo goo gai pan, and we realized that we were lacking a wok. Among other things.

Kevin's pretty Bok Choy

So we (eventually) got the wok, heat diffuser, oyster sauce, multitude of other Chinese sauces, dry sherry, mushrooms, and miscellaneous other ingredients for our moo goo gai pan. Stir fry can be as simple or complicated as you would like to make it. In our case, it was more of the latter. Once we got the mise en place out of the way, things came together rather quickly, but the prep still took about an hour of both of us working together.

Beverage pairing: Fancy Tripel Hop Duvel

Were you aware that a new steel wok will most likely be coated with a toxic lacquer to keep the metal from oxidizing while sitting on the store shelf, and that almost unnoticeable, plasticky film needs to be removed before cooking in it to avoid poisoning your family? Good to know.

David and I followed this recipe to the letter (with the addition of the bok choy), and it came out wonderfully. I'd say it was worth the wok and the wait.

Wokka Wokka

A welcome back dinner fit for a king:

fancy royal menus

your table is ready, your highness

"Ooooh!" I exclaimed, peering into the frozen case. "Look David, a pheasant!" David glanced back at me from the line at the cash register, skeptical. "Do you even know how to cook a pheasant? What are you going to do with it?"

"I don't know, something." I replied petulantly, yanking open the door to the case, and selecting one of the locally raised pheasants. As we left Findlay Market, I was still coming up with ideas on how to cook the bird. BBQ? Maybe some sort of coq au vin style dish? The possibilities!

Hey, what can I say. Some women impulse buy shoes, jewelry or purses. For me, it's poultry.

After arriving home, the pheasant took up residence in our freezer, where it remained for 5 months. Paralyzed by choice, I kept changing my mind about how and when to make it. Finally, though, I made up my mind that I was going to keep it simple and roast the pheasant with some herbes de provence. David's latest welcome back dinner presented the perfect opportunity.

After giving some thought to where I thought a pheasant might usually be served, I came up with the idea of a fancy medieval style feast. A few things come to mind when I envision such an event. The first is giant turkey legs.

It's very likely that I've been conditioned by years of Renaissance festivals to associate the two, and any historical inaccuracies aside, the turkey legs were always delicious. For an appetizer, I made goat cheese pate pinwheels, which are simple and require very little prep time.

Rosemary mashed potatoes and green beans amandine completed the main course. As for dessert, I eyed the fancy Valrhona chocolate in the cabinet and decided to use it to make chocopots.

I used a duck egg to make the chocopots as well as fancy cocoa

Speaking of chocopots, have you heard a certain Cincinnati blogger's serenade to the choco pot?

I generally have about two hours to get dinner ready before David arrives home from Michigan, which is usually around 8 PM. I leave work at 6. Cooking an entire 3 course meal with a cute but entirely useless cat as a sous chef can be challenging, to say the least. This past dinner required the use of the oven for four of the items, which called for a critical path chart. I also used a Gantt chart to further organize my thoughts on the order of prep.

graphs can be sensible and pretty

Tom + Chee:

It may come as a surprise that this was my first visit to Tom + Chee. Given my love of grilled cheese sandwiches, as well as their many creative options, I knew it I'd end up there sooner or later.

I just kept pushing it for later, for purely selfish reasons. Oh, I looked at the menu online. I knew about the grilled cheese donut. I follow them on twitter, and see tweets of the daily specials and soups, which sound delicious most of the time. But I just couldn't bring myself to go there.

I knew that if it was anything like Melt Bar and Grilled, visiting Tom + Chee would be akin to opening Pandora's box. My will power would vanish, and indubitably I would construct some sort of goetta-triple-cheese-and-potato-chip-grilled-cheese-donut-monstrosity the likes of which has never been seen by man or beast.

Putting my fear aside, I visited for lunch this past week with two of my friends, who kindly let me take pictures of their sandwiches. And yes, I got the grilled cheese donut. And the mac n' cheese grilled cheese with bacon.

Tom + Chee was as awesome as I was afraid it would be. Service was quick and friendly, grilled cheeses were gooey and toasty, and the wide variety of coke products (diet coke, caffeine free diet coke, cherry coke zero and regular coke!) was a welcome surprise.

Hippy Chee: lettuce, tomato, cucumber and hummus with cheddar on wheat, $3.50

Hot N' Spicy Chee: pepperoni, hot peppers and onion, with pepper jack on wheat

The grilled cheeses were also very inexpensive for their size (my two sandwiches, even with the upcharge of bacon on the grilled mac n’ cheese and my soda were still under $10), which is a good deal. It's easy to see why they've been successful and able to open up a second location in Newport so quickly. I'll definitely be back. My donut creation awaits.

it calls

Iron Chef Cincinnati:

If you didn't know, Thursday is a big day for four local chefs. Yelp Cincinnati is hosting an Iron Chef competition!

Chef Matt Buschle from Virgil's, Chef Josh Campbell from Mayberry & The Skinny Pig, Chef Steven Shockley (formerly of Maribelle's Tavern), Chef Mark Bodenstein of Parkers Blue Ash Tavern and Chef Bella Dolce from Roxy's will all be competing, in Iron Chef style, with one of four local ingredients which will be revealed right before the competition. The event starts at 7, and you can read all about it (and RSVP) here on Yelp.

We caught up to Josh Campbell to ask him a few questions about his feelings prior to the competition.

Good luck Josh! We're interested to see what you cook up. The event also supports the Freestore Foodbank, which is a great cause.

Operation Queso Grande:

"I've got the stuff. Meet me by the cafe at 7 PM. Come alone."

I followed instructions and arrived at the specified location, cash in hand. Nervously glancing around, the exchange was made. After the money changed hands, I quickly stuffed my bounty into a Jeff Ruby's takeout bag. Other patrons were intrigued. "What's that?" They asked, craning their necks to get a better look in the bag. "Nothing." I hastily replied.

I discreetly placed the bag in the trunk of my car, and drove back to the apartment with my 15 lbs of not-for-retail-sale-for-food-institution-only Land O' Lakes Extra melt.

NOT FOR RETAIL SALE

You may remember my social media cheese dip experiment a while back, where I contacted Land O' Lakes to get some coveted Extra Melt, a melting cheese used by many Mexican restaurants that has been specifically engineered to kick the crap out of Velveeta when it comes to making a cheese dip.

You may also remember their subsequent response.
　

For a few days I couldn't look at the Land O' Lakes logo without being annoyed. "She's smug." I told David. "Land O' Lakes is sitting on a stockpile of Extra Melt, guarding it like Fort Knox. They're cheese Nazis, is what they are. Cheese Nazis!"

But I am nothing if not persistent. Determined not to be thwarted by Land O' Lakes or the limitations of retail sale, I made a few phone calls, and very shortly was in possession of three 5 lb blocks of the stuff.

And what do you make with 15 lbs of Extra Melt? Answer: Anything you want. It really is a superior melting cheese, and worth the hassle of obtaining. Happy hunting.

buffalo chicken nachos

Over jerk pork loin with a fried egg

Spicy Goetta Pancakes:

There's something comforting about pancakes. Buttery, slightly salty and sweet with maple syrup, pancakes, at least for me, are on the Olympic team of a tasty breakfast.

Sometimes, though, regular pancakes are not enough. Maybe you've had a horrible day at the office, arriving home frustrated and jittery from the coffee you've pounded to try make it through the afternoon. Or maybe you hit it a little too hard with cheap Hudy Delights at a Cincinnati Rollergirls game and now you're hating life (hey, it happens). Or maybe you're depressed because the playstation network has been down for almost a month, or Mark Bittman has announced he's no longer writing The Minimalist column in the New York Times.

All of these situations, and more, are the perfect environment for spicy goetta pancakes. Note that I didn't say pancakes with goetta, which could easily be confused as pancakes with goetta on the side. No, spicy goetta pancakes have spicy goetta pieces inside the pancakes themselves, making a spicy, salty, buttery sweet meal to put you on the road to emotional or physical recovery.

Thanks to the advances of modern technology, you now have two choices for pancakes. While making pancakes from scratch is extremely easy, there is now an even more lazy option. The batter blaster. I imagine pancakes in a whipped cream can won't sit well with everyone, but we've found it very convenient. Especially when I only want four small, silver dollar sized pancakes. At 12:15 AM.

Goetta pancakes instructions:

1. Cook your spicy goetta, making sure it is nice and crispy. Place on paper towel to the side.

2. Put the pancake batter in a greased pan or well seasoned skillet (preferably the one you cooked the goetta in).

3. Drop the spicy goetta crumbles into the pancake batter.

4. Flip once, and remove once fully cooked.

5. Repeat steps 2-4.

6. Put whatever toppings you like on your pancakes (syrup, butter, jam, some award winning gelato) Consume. Let the healing begin.